Lucky Ducky?

No. Maybe lucky me.

Yesterday was a clusterf*ck of emotions, of decisions made too quickly and hastily. Of flirting too hard with Raven. Of having a huge panic attack when left alone at Dove’s house, skipping out on my plans with my homegirls, rushing home, pouring out every emotion to Ducky. Every single thing. Every truth. Deciding to start over.

FIONA APPLE- USED TO LOVE HIM now playing

I took off my engagement ring. Because we are starting over. Why would I do something like that if we’re starting over?

Because that ring is not me. It is a flashy show of a horrible past. Of trying to be someone I’m not. Of forcing Ducky to be someone he’s not. So, instead of threatening to commit suicide if he doesn’t ask me to marry him, and getting proposed to in a parking lot, of getting this totally over-the-top fucking diamond mess of a not-me ring. We’re doing this again. We’re trying this again. I know not much will change. But some things will get better. We are healing. And both of us understand why I was flirting with everyone under the sun. I don’t want to leave Ducky. But, if things don’t change, I will. I want this to work.

Small of My Heart- Madison Violet now playing.

And now. I knit. And get ready for an artisan fest I’m doing.

Yes, I started yet another scarf. I’m about as good at committing to a scarf as I am to a man.

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